He took me to a beach surrounded by large red boulders and cliffs on one side and the ocean on the other. It was a cove that no other had access to except us. We sat, our backs against a large boulder jutting out of the sand not far from the waves. He pulled my legs over his lap and wrapped his strong arms around me, encircling me in all his warmth. I almost cried in relief to feel the closeness of his strength and love after so long wandering.
"I'm sorry for losing sight of who you are. For letting my faith be shaken and losing my joy in you." My throat ached at letting him down.
He kissed my shoulder softly and his voice was deep and familiar and full of love, "Chel, I accept your apology. Thank you for letting it out - you've been carrying the burden of it all for too long." His arms tightened around me. "I love you."
And we were quiet for a while. "Don't let it be so long til you seek me out next time, sweetness."
I asked him for scripture but he wanted us to stay where we were and talk.
"What do you want to talk about then," I asked, my head nestled on his shoulder.
"You." he said, his face buried in my hair.
I sighed and waited
"You can't be perfect Chel, you can't carry the burden of changing yourself into a superhuman. You need to let go. Your brain is a restless currant - always wanting to search out the deep reasons and know why. That's always going to be your difficulty darling, being able to let go of the need for answers and trust me."
I felt such peace being near him and listening to the sound of his voice. Then my thoughts drifted to this coming weekend and seeing the estranged Aunt I had hurt. Shame and guilt hammers at me always over what i did to our family. "Oh my Jesus, I'm so sorry for what I did, please help me to forgive her for not letting go."
His big hand cupped my cheek and his light seemed to pour over me, "Chel, you've been forgiven for that a long time ago. Did you know darling, that I'm a healer - and when I see someone with wounds I long to pour my healing over them? I love you even more because of your need for me Chel. Not less."