Sometimes all it takes is one image or one verse to steady my world. Sometimes he gives me more, but one flash of him gathering me up to his chest - or a glimpse of him kissing the top of my head is enough to let peace trickle and then flow back through my head and my heart.
Last night I was feeling desperate for his voice and he right away gave me this promise "even if the mountains walk away and the hills fall to pieces, my love won't walk away from you, my covenant commitment of peace won't fall away." (msg)
Our adoption plans just went down with a big crash. I turned to him in confusion, wondering what to think and he pulled me up in his big arms so I was resting against his chest
"Come here luv," he held me close and kissed my head.
"it's ok Jesus, I know you're in charge and I trust you." I said quietly
"No, It's not, sweetness." And the sound of the compassion in his voice made my throat ache
"Chel, being close to me doesn't mean you don't feel things - it doesn't mean nothing affects you, or that you need to be superhuman. It means you let me be the wall you collapse on or lean against - it means you feel my love through the rollercoaster and depth of what is happening. It means you know I'm feeling what you're feeling and that I can carry you." He pulled me so close that I could hear his heart beating, and I felt his love and comfort flooding over me. I remembered that I am his and I started to cry as the hurt crashed in.
"I've got you." his deep voice was quiet and full of love, "I'll carry you today, ok Chel?"
And I felt high and safe in his arms as he started walking. And he made me feel small and treasured and light in his huge embrace.