It took me a bit to find him this morning and I got desperate because I need him so much. I was just calling him, looking for him when he was right beside me with his arms around me in a tight hug and he quieted me with a squeeze and a kiss "Chel, I'm right here, my beautiful girl."
I've been missing him so much. And going through my head all of a sudden was the thought about God's love that came up in conversation with my cousin the other day. She mentioned a book she was reading (Jesus mean and wild) and how it was so good because it wasn't all fluffy love stuff but instead about consequences to our actions. Ever since she mentioned it to me it's been flying around in the back of my head - but I wasn't sure why it bugged me so much until my big, strong Savior brought it up.
"Fluffy?! Chel, what am I - a bird?" And he showed me this silly picture of a budgie with all its feathers fluffed up and ruffled.
"Our love, my luv, is ground shaking, earth shattering intensity and passion - able to change you from the inside out. That's what you've experienced and that's why that conversation bothers you so much.
Let me tell you a story of a beautiful girl who went through life looking for more. Looking for love in all the unknown places (all the boys I had been attracted too flashed through my head) with an ache that was never filled. (he showed me how he had protected me from all those possibly bad relationships) But it wasn't until she thought her fairy tale had come true - and then lost in a slow and painful death that she found the presence she had always longed for but had only glimpsed. That she found love beyond all others." His voice was deep and full and filled me with shivers as he spoke.
A love that I can't hardly believe is mine and an intensity that amazes me every day - no more apathy for me!
And then with a nudge and a huge love that overwhelmed me he pointed out the verse in Isaiah that I had missed before.
"This exile is just like the days of Noah for me: I promised then that the waters of Noah would never again flood the earth. I'm promising now no more anger, no more dressing you down. For even if the mountains walk away and the hills fall to pieces, My love won't walk away from you, my covenant commitment of peace won't fall apart." (msg)
I am so amazed by his generosity and the things he's so willing to share with me about himself. We talked about why people are so drawn to consequences and how it makes us feel better to better ourselves a bit. "Fluffy love stuff" is not really knowing or experience the truth and depth of his love.